Do you love someone with a different culture?
June 17th, 2009 by cherylwhitneyI married a man from the other end of the world. Someone with a totally different culture, whose outlook in life is the opposite of mine. When I was in College, I’ve always dreamed of meeting a guy who is totally different .. something new and someone interesting.. funny but this guy i am referring to describes the kind of person my husband is right now.. Well I should say that he didn’t of course got all the aspects i wanted my man to become otherwise it would be too perfect.. but I should say, that I am very happy to have him in his life.. Don’t be ashamed to go out of your shell and find someone you want in your life.. if you stumble and fall, get up! and make another life! It’s not the end of everything. This man speaks entirely different dialect. I mean, yes, we do speak their language, but really, he says words that meant different to me, and vice versa! He tells me things that i take it literally and i speak to him of things i say literally, that unfortunately bring both of us into trouble..when i get upset at him, I actually didn’t know that saying ” I hate you” is a taboo, because saying that word would mean like you despise the person who didn’t actually do something wrong which made you say it.. from then on, I watch my word, and say ” im pissed!”, “im mad at ya!”, “im down on you!”, things like that, and it wouldn’t hurt so bad. I learn some new words which transform into even better grammars. I can recall when our baby puts her foot into her mouth and we’d say ” sige! eat your foot! eat your foot!”, and then i showed it to my husband and he said ” oh! he’s sucking his toe!” lol… Just imagine how literal we become sometimes and it’s so funny but the good thing is, we learn about each other everyday, and no matter how many years it will take us, we’re both willing to go on with this long process, because this is the kind of life i chose, and therefore I have to face it and take it as a challenge.
The good news about all Filipinas marrying Filipinos out there with the same culture is, IBA PA RIN ANG PINOY, and yes, I didn’t actually see that until i met my husband. It is hard when you are in a situation wherein, you have no idea what it is. You have married a man, whose cultures and beliefs are the exact opposite of yours. He’s a Catholic, I made him one before we got married, but he was raise a prysbeterian. But you know what? It is a matter taking in, taking hold, and letting go! You have to face the fact, deal with it everyday, learn from it. We are humans, humans have the ability to adapt, adjust, we all have coping mechanisms, we are flexible, NEVER let negative thoughts get in the way of your good disposition. I am telling you, it is not easy, especially for me who is a strongly opinionated person, I always wanted to lead, but once you open up your mind, allow new things introduced to you, you will see that we all are just the same. The only difference there is, is that, they are married to Filipinos, and they could communicate and relate better, but once we go past that phase, things could run, if not smoothly, better.. and you could become better and socially flexible.. Remember this, learn how to listen. It took me a while to at least allow myself to listen, because i always am righteous and thought my ideas, beliefs, cultures, traditions,etc, are better than his.. but I am beginning to accept that sometimes, it is not all true.. Learn to admit that you are not all the time Right!.. I have a very lovable husband, responsible, very sweet in every little way, but the only problem we have is the communication! You know he’s frank, and I get hurt when he does speak his mind! But the thing is, they don’t mean anything to them, they just blurt it out, i keep telling myself “stop being overly sensitive, you’re only killing yourself!”.. Having a positive attitude would give you a happy spirit, leading to a good life, do you agree? There were rare times during our arguments that i recklelssly criticize matters that involve race and I didn’t realize how offensive I was and selfish i become of saying those lines that hurt his ego. Everyone of us is unique in our own little way, and sometimes you only say undesirable things that are held against them when clashes of cultures set in and that’s the main problem here. But as long as you learn how to listen , you will never resolve it.. Acceptance takes a huge role in this kind of World and I’m telling you, you can’t do it overnight. Filipinos are known to be so patient, when asked if they’re hungry they’d say ” okay lang, thank you, im still full, i can wait for the others to come”, when in fact, tummy is already rumbling inside and you still hold it..My point is, you have to be open to each other, express what you feel inside, talk it out in a calm manner.. relax. For me, it is hard to learn other people’s lives and adapt it especially when it’s a complete strange for you, but when you love somebody, you are ready to learn and compromise and still be happy, right?You are not alone in this world, you are committed! The reason why you got married is that you need someone to walk you through life’s challenges and find each other getting along after all!
I wanted to write and share this to you because you might happen to be someone who’s married to a foreigner, somebody who loves someone from the other part of the world, and you hear comments from friends who get negative about the situation. Don’t let it bother you, that’s their own opinion, sometimes, those who make such discouraging comments are the ones who are insecure with their lives, because they don’t actually experience the kind of fulfillment you are experiencing right now, and for those who tell you ” im so happy for you”, be grateful because they mean it and they are your true friends… so be glad and proud on how you shape up your life and take one day at a time to prove to them that it’s worth living!
Please feel free to leave comments, i would love to read your side. thanks for reading!!!
bless those who have kids and will have kid/s soon, for they are God’s gift not everyone has, so embrace the moment she/he is born, tame her like a gift from heaven , with unfathomable love, a mother/parent could ever offer for while you are busy teaching your child all about life, your child is teaching you what life is all about….
